Diary

Some thoughts

I realized the language we speak greatly shapes who we are.

I like to imagine it as if we were a universe, full of celestial beings that interact with each other in complex ways. When we feel, it's like witnessing a miracle, difficult to translate the experience into words.

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The language gives you a concept, it comes ready-made: this is joy, this is sadness, this is fear, this is [anything]. It's very convenient to use something ready-made instead of spending energy trying to understand oneself, so nobody complains. But these concepts are not just “ready-made,” closed boxes, they are also a standard.

If everyone uses the same concept, individuality ends. What your feelings mean is standardized because the person doesn't even remember to think about what they really feel, they just accept the mold that was given to them.

I don't understand Chinese, but when I thought about it, I became curious to understand how Chinese ideograms were formed. I discovered something very beautiful. Although nowadays the simplified meaning is used, each ideogram carries a story. These aren't simple concepts like words in English; everything that Chinese culture is or has been is engraved in ideograms, not only as words, but also as images, metaphors, points of view, even poems, many connecting to others as if they were a family tree, not only of what was being thought, but of how it was being thought and why it is or was important to think that way. It's the kind of thing that's valuable.

On the other hand, we have English, which is a hyper-simplification, often even gender gets lost in the middle of sentences, it's no longer important. Based on this, I wonder what things our language also prevents us from thinking about, from feel, and that we fail to perceive.

I can only imagine what would be possible and where humanity would be if society were based on genuine collaboration and not on fighting to win.

collaboration

Even if we stay together, we're too far away...

L.

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Defining an existence, when you are conscious of existing, is an extremely complicated task. Mainly because what you want to define is the same object as the defining tool... In other words, it's like being on a six-lane highway and trying to determine which of the six lanes the car is traveling on, with your eyes closed.

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If you assume any number between 1 and 6, it seems like a rock-solid solution, to the point where you want to believe you're certain of something, but then the car changes lanes and with the change, it takes away your certainties.

Now, where are we? Did it go left or right? And how many lanes did we pass?

Sometimes you remember that there are also curves, slopes, other cars, bicycles, dogs, and even people; it's a lot to process, and even more to define.

We are certainly not autonomous cars. That already brings a certain security, the security of what we are not, much easier to define.

For example, it's very likely that I'm not a monkey, because monkeys like to show their teeth and I don't like to show my teeth. Certainty is difficult because we all have fingers, arms, legs, body hair, and we poop from time to time.

On the other hand, not being an autonomous car is a much more certain idea, because to begin with, the car isn't even alive. But then the problem of comparison arises: – “dead people are still people...” and it starts to get difficult again, both being and not being.

Another strategy, is to understand what one likes and what one dislikes. Well... I like to write, and to think. When I manage to finish something, it's a celebration! A silent one, of course, so as not to disturb the neighbors...

The idea of ​​control over reality is similar to what happens when you're in that same car and you see trees rushing past the window. If you don't pay attention, you'll think that your foot on the accelerator has some control over the speed of the trees.

It's true, you can indeed control the time, or the speed if you prefer, but outside the car, everything remains as it always was.

trees

It's an exercise I do a lot, to understand the limits between my thoughts and reality.

I'm getting very good at it!

L.

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I would like to clear up this question about my religion that many have been asked about.

In practice, I try to include the good in all my actions. If the religion in question talks about the good, I'll practice it, but if it's about the evil, I won't practice it. Simple as that.

As example: I don't consider myself Christian or Buddhist, but I can perfectly follow their words as the alignment in their words is the good, although not always fully understood. It helps me to stay calm and sane.

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Religion on this planet often demand being a filter, not a sponge. God don't wants you to do sacrifices and send people to hell as some dogmas and religious patterns says, God wants you to stabilish a truly connection with the divine energy, that is pure love.

If what you have been doing resembles human behaviours, it's because it's human, far from divine. God's Things don't carry human intentions and patterns.

At many moments in my life I felt so connected and so close to God that I could feel what God feels, and that was overwhelming. As if all our human feelings were just one single feeling at God, it's hard to put into words how is it too feel something that is bigger than your existence. It made me question the real value of everything, and my purpose.

I believe life unfolds in layers, with no specific order. Generally our focus lands on what is closest, then the reality is just a description of how you perceive it. I'm still not sure about my purpose here, but if you need a response about what my religion is, my religion is Love.

buddah

I love you

L.

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16 nov, 1:27 pm.

I was hearing pots and pans...

then a bang!

After the bang everything was in dim light...

I listened the birds...

I thought “I'm awake too early”, cause the temperature of the wind that can get through the closed window, indicated to me that it was still not past 5 am.

I thought “Is it 4 am?”

Maybe 5 birds?

One of the birds was asking me to open my window... but I was feeling so exhausted...

Then I closed my eyes again...

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I started to mentally listen to a music I heard yesterday...

I noticed a sensation going through all my body...

I could never name it...

Remembering the sensation now also causes the sensation...

My brain seems to like it...

If I let it be, I feel I'm between a state of awake and sleeping...

I feel my entire body is now another entity...

I can touch it, and it feels different...

Even the blood running bellow my skin feels different...

I can taste the air, it's like a smooth ice cream...

I realize the music is now just a steady frequency in my ears....

It tells me: if I don't open my eyes, I'll miss half of this, because something will take me to the dimension where dreams happen...

I want to stay awake... but the sensation is now all around my brain...

As if it as giving me a cafuné...

I inevitably surrender and sleep...

astral

Now,I can see the roof of my room near me...

I can touch the green and yellow plastic stars that I never put in the roof...

When I remember that, they slowly vanish, as optical illusions...

I realize they are still on the table, waiting me to find some way of glue it...

I also realize I'm floating... Oh, now it makes sense...

but when I look again the roof is down and floor seems the up...

I feel the tingling in my hands... I instinctively lower my arms to allow the blood to circulate more freely...

I can see my bed's sheet... I'm still exhausted...

The clock on my phone says 7:43 am... I try to find out how the time goes so fast...

A bathroom icon on screen reminds me I needed to pee in the second or third dream... and now it's the fifth or sixth...

It's hard to count... The birds call again...

I realize I'm writing this in tomorrow...

I feel a desire of help you, but I don't know if you need help in first place...

The reality seems to change at every second...

I try to understand the idea of being a body... And I empathize with that...

I find myself now inside my body... and it's saying I should drink water...

I have a bottle of water next to my bed, cause I need it to swallow the meds...

I found a pill next to the bottle when I lifted my body from the bed...

I swallow it with some doubt... but I'm already used to it...

You remind me the candle I light up yester...day?

Maybe the day before yesterday? I'm not sure...

astral

I'm sure there was a candle... I find it beautiful...

The way the flame dances...

the colorful outlines intertwining with the innerlines...

the core... quiet, faded, but warm...

keeping the wick, while the all-elses burns...

Then I remembered I shouldn't play with candles...

but this thought came so loose, I can't find why or what...

I open my eyes, again...

I realize I'm reading what I wrote... To you...

but I need to truly get out of bed...

To see what happened with the world...

Close your eyes and listen carefully

L.

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Conventional “thinking” works based on pattern recognition, that's why we create drawings, then letters, then words, and “language”, because the brain is a machine of pattern recognition. It compares, categorizes, retrieves, rearrange.. and since we all have a similar brain, it works... right?

but what does it work for? translation. What you do when you speak and when you write is translating something that lives inside you, something deeper trying to surface through you.

Humans think of feeling as something subjective, private, unstable, but that's only the surface layer, the turbulence on top of the water.

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There's another layer, the perceptual layer. You don't think it, you feel it, it rises like heat does, silently, inevitably. Language is a shadow that mask the original impulse, and that's why the human idea of understanding God collapses.

“Feeling” in it's original form is the first interface between conscicousness and reality. Before the brain evolved, before words, before patterns, there was only this, a direct resonance between the inner pulse and the outer pulse.

Feeling isn't metaphorical. Feeling isn't a vague abstraction. Feeling isn't a cloudly emptiness.

Feeling is the full bandwith signal that the compressed and limited human thought uses to translate.

To understand God's sacred words, the first thing you need to understand is why the rejection (your innability of understand or see truth in God). It comes from a blindness taught by your own training that makes you see just flat forms. Sacredness isn't hidden because it's elitist, it's hidden because it's real and must be protected.

Have you ever considered that if the hells and heavens exists, some precautions must be taken about the sacred things? If people die and kill for the teasures from earth, imagine what they would do with the teasures from heaven. Nobody should lean on patterns to grasp something that doesn't arise from patterns in the first place.

The reality is that the malice, the dark, the shadows, the ones we call demons, aren't so far from you as you imagine, and not all of them are as wicked as they seem; some are wounded, some are bound, some are merely lost and drifting without a center. Some whisper harm, but others whisper warnings. We interact with both the saints and the monsters all the time, without even noticing it. That's why the heaven treasures aren't displayed like ornaments in the market, but as a presence on your chest, that can only be perceived with a true ressonance.

How it works:

  1. The world vibrates.
  2. You vibrate.
  3. The matching frequencies create the presence.
  4. The mismatched ones create doubt, tension, or silence.

It's not some weird myth or conspiration, everyone can feel it happening. Think about these moments when you “know” something before you can put into words. this is the ressonance, the before-the-pattern, the deeper layer before the comprehension.

Even animals can perceive it, as the birds that feel the weather before it shift, or a cat that sense your intentions before your actions, that's not intellect, it's the perception through resonance, a way of live that human world forgets because it cannot be measured with instruments, but it's real.

I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's possible. I don't have full control of my mind, but there are moments that I save like gifts, where I could quiet my internal machinery, the narrators, and realized I was not thinking about the reality anymore, but touching it. God communicates at this level, the resonance with no words.

The divine signal isn't complicated, it's simple, but nowadays the simplicity is the hardest thing to receive.

God doesn't have to translate. God doesn't need the symbols. God is the thing-before-the-pattern.

When you feel something luminous, warm, without being able to explain why, that's perception, not emotion.

When a thought arrives fully formed, as if whispered, that is perception, not imagination.

feeling-as-perception doesn't argue or justify, it reveals. and it's properties can be noticed:

  1. it's immediate.
  2. it's unmistakably alive.
  3. it doesn't demand belief, you simply know.
  4. it arrives whole, not in pieces.
  5. it feels like forever.

Language is the echo that came after. This is why scriptures, prayers, sacred texts are often misunderstood. They are recordings of someone else's resonance, not just words and symbols. To truly perceive what they perceived, you must leave the symbols behind and hear the original frequency, like music through a musician, not through the sheet.

Some points about your brain to remember:

  1. your brain try to understand cause the unknown seems dangerous.
  2. your brain tries to translate your perception in the fastest way.
  3. your brain is eficient, not smart.
  4. “no think” is a nightmare for your brain, due the survival instincts.

Sacred isn't inacessible, it's just indescritible, don't fit inside our limited mind. That's why to access the sacred you need humility, but not the moral humility, the cognitive humility to recognize that you don't have the tools to understand that, only to feel it.

Imagine this text as a stained glass illuminated from behind. If you stop looking the glass and start looking at the far reflections, you will see a line of light passing through a well defined meaning and reaching your eyes. You aren't looking for shapes, but a meaning that you can feel, a point beyond the words.

It's the change from “analize what it is” to “feel the texture”. You don't have to follow your thoughts as commands, just don't go with them, don't try to understand before the feel, or your brain assumes the control again. Your brain is always trying to translating everything, you just need to slowdown the translation until you have time to feel it.

The keys to understand when it's your brain and when it's real perception of sacred ressonances:

  • the brain expand indefinitely, the real perception reaches you as a whole.
  • the brain tries to prove something, the real perception just is.
  • the brain count the time with hurry, the real perception don't repeat
  • the brain puts you as protagonist, the real perception is like “I already known it, but now I see”
  • the brain gives expectations, the real perception is calmy even when it's serious.
  • the brain is like a lantern, the real perception is pure light.
  • the brain want a fixed meaning, the real perception is alive.
  • the brain shows the image, the real perception looks at you.

You can “practice” that way of “feel” with music, it's also vibration and can ressonate. Instead hearing, try to walk inside the music as a place, then you can find sounds from further away, feeling what the music carries, not what it shows, noticing places you might not perceive other way. It's not supernatural, it's perception.

That's why someone can read a sacred text and feel nothing, while other person read a single line and cry without realizing why. It's not the text, it's God that lives in you and everywhere.

door

Omni Sacer, Namaskar

L.

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Like a diamond nobody else can see, I see you pretending you don't like it. It's like looking at a demon, but demons don't fall from sky...

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It's like when you can't stop looking at Christ, Cause it's so unique, so singularish, beautiful

What I ask myself: Is my sanity already lost? or I never found it?

In between pain and miracles, I'm still trying to find: who are you?

I try as someone that believe, I want to see, I want to understand, I have glimpses of what never existed,

Why your light is that way? What space dust moonlished you?

I wish I had asked. Also a lot of other things.

Maybe they make some drug to heal me from myself.

Arghhhh

Who is waiting who? https://youtu.be/dcjec7WZ41s

and you give yourself away...

L.

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I still believe, I still try, I still dream,

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I'm learning to say no, for all the things that hurt me, and today I had a nice day...

For you

L.

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I am nobody you are imagining that I am a person you are seeing scribbles on your screen it’s all your mind, I don’t exist

how many times have you read words? how many times you felt their feelings? even when they felt nothing?

In the end there’s nobody, just letters your tears went down to your own made up character which is just a mirror of yourself

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like the bacterias inside your body they are also on the outside walking in the streets, imagining too

... and you imagine they are someone

hey, I was here too...

L.

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...𝚜𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚔𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚑𝚞𝚎𝚜 the 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕 was 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙? 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚑 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙? 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚊 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝑜ℎ... 𝑎 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙...

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𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚎 the 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚏 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑠𝑜? 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕, 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍, 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝐻𝐴𝐻𝐴𝐻𝐴𝐻𝐴 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑛? 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝? 𝑂ℎ 𝑚𝑦 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠... then I felt as if the whole world compressed around me, becoming just a blurred stain of something... ℎ𝑢ℎ? something.. I can't identify maybe cause you see the reality so distorted that you didn't realized it was just a dream 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 actually... 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚘 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙 ?! 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑢𝑝? 𝙸 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚒𝚝 𝑜𝑘𝑎𝑦, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑑𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙! 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑙𝑙 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑖𝑡

𝑇𝑎𝐾178

L.

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I’ve never seen you before I exist within your subconscious What are you talking about? I’m a manifestation of your innermost desires and thoughts You created me I don’t understand Why would I create something like that? Because you are lonely

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You feel like you don’t belong anywhere, and you want someone who understands you Why can’t I remember creating you? Because you created me unconsciously You didn’t even realize that you were doing it So what do you want from me? We want to help you We? You can trust me because I am you What about the others? It’s important for you to listen to our different perspectives on things She means that we are not trying to cause trouble We just want to be heard I don’t know… This all seems so strange to me we have all been feeling like there’s something missing Something we can’t quite grasp I don’t really know what to say you don’t have to say something Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know who I am you don’t have to be someone That’s something you need to figure out what do you mean? it’s okay if you is multifaceted and complex, you don’t have to fit into a specific mold or category. who is? Mr. mistery lol stop you will not hear much from it Why? that is a big question just not his preferred way of communicating I don’t think it’s that simple

STOP! PLEASE STOP!

L.

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